Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Kindergarten, Baby

Yesterday was my oldest boy's first day of Kindergarten. A day, I must admit, I've been dreading for five years. Somehow I have always marked this day in a child's life as the day where baby ends and boy begins.
Big Boy sporting his best Kindergarten pirate.

As a stay-at-home mother I've had the glorious gift of being able to spend every waking moment with my son. Some days that was a little more rough than others, but it is always a joy. I know everything about him; his favorite foods, his favorite transformer, how he plays in the sink when he should be washing his hands. I know all the little things that make him special. It was this knowledge of all the little things that I loved.

I think the thing I most feared would be that I would no longer "know" my son. I am no longer the biggest influence in his life. He now has teachers and friends that he spends the bulk of his day with. I understand that myself and my husband are still his core support team, however that logical talk has yet to reach my heart.
And while I was heartsick and sad in a way I can't seem to articulate very well, I was still able to feel his complete joy at going to school. That is the memory I want to carry with me. August 20, 2012 was the day I had to let him fly and begin to learn to fly without him.


Anonymous said...

He was looking forward to school, which is good - and he looks like a Big Boy to me. You will both fly, but it will take a bit of effort :-) Best wishes, Jo

Heather Kuhn Roelker said...

Jo, you are right! He is a big boy. There was a commercial on during the Olympics for Proctor and Gamble that really hit home for me. It showed images of little kids doing adult things and had the tag line that for moms they will always be little. That is exactly how I feel. I know he is a big dude now, but I still see a little one.

Yvonne Demoskoff said...

Reading your post about how you felt about your son's first day of kindergarten brought back such memories of how I felt when my son started school - and that was 15 years ago! You've inspired me to write a post for my blog; thanks, Heather!